…this morning, now just have to wait to see my doc. The one I saw last night reckoned I was menpausal, because my last cervical smear test, though normal, showed ‘some atrophying of the cells’. I was already quite overwrought and this news kind of tipped me over the edge. I became very tearful when I got home and poor Richard got the brunt of it. I took it out on him, having nowhere else to put my feelings. We had a very silly row. I could barely think straight, let alone argue coherently, and he isn’t good at arguments at the best of times. So I managed to make him feel rotten as well as myself.
This doc didn’t think my relatively early menopause had anything to do with the gynaecological work I had in my late thirties. That isn’t what the other one said. If I knew I had got it when I was naturally meant to get it I would feel better about it but I can’t help feeling that some kind of damage was done.
This doc said that some kind of HRT might be a good idea for someone of my age. I am putting aside any qualms I might have had about ‘medicalising’ a natural rite of passage etc etc, because frankly I am ready to try anything that might set me straight again, I can’t go on like this!!!
I guess none of it is helped by having reduced the psych meds quite drastically…perhaps the severity of the symptoms is a reflection of the two processes going on at the same time.
I feel less overwrought and tearful today…still very tired, went back to bed in the afternoon and slept. Read quite a bit – a book on menopause that I already had in my shelves, and bought a new book about depression called ‘Sunbathing in the Rain’. Things that need doing I am just putting off, I can’t face it. My appetite was better today, managed to eat a decent lunch.
Take care everyone…Zoe.