When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Archive for January, 2009

And again…

Yeah, I’m still alive. Technically. Have turned into a robot with a very bossy Ipod though. My main delusion is that music is full of messages telling me what to do at any given time. I also run a lot on what used to be called ‘feminine intuition’.

This afternon R my partner and I are driving down to Harlow in Essex for a meeting with social workers, my son and his foster mum. It’s called a Looked After Child meeting and they happen about every six months. It’s to discuss how he’s doing in his care placement. His education, health, need for therapy or not, stuff like that.

I sometimes feel like I am juming between different worlds at the moment. On Sunday a Buddhist retreat (and the rejection of someone I mistakenly thought was Mr Right! Dang! Wrong again!

Now I have to jump from the loony bin to the office of a fostering agency and try to look vaguely like a very concerned and involved mum. Which of course, I am. But multi-tasking on this level is no easy thing believe me. Focus , persistence, clarity and determination are the main qualities I have to drag out of my inner being. Otherwise I would be frankly dribbling and babbling with the best of them.

One thing I have noticed. When the shrink asks these days about my mood (yeah, that dreaded question, ‘how is your mood’) I am at a complete loss for words!

And as less is generally the new more (hence the credit crunch) I will leave it there as to the latest news. Don’t want to incriminate myself further in any case. Paranoia levels running high, but not sure that counts as a mood Ms Shrink.

I’d rather read and hear from all of you in any case so keep those comments coming folks! Share the love and all that, but special thanx to all my real friends both on the Madosphere and in real life who are with me (almost) every step of the way. Keep the faith.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Hi Y’All

C’mon everybody, as the Ramones would have it back in the year dot.

If you want to really know what’s with me at the moment (oh please, don’t ask!) I suggest you visit Seaneen’s blog at mentallyinteresting.com. Go on, retards, it’s already on my blogroll as Pole to Polar or was it The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive.

Why do I say that? Well Seaneen is the perfect channel for all my hopes and dreams as well as the nightmare on Elm Street. And unlike me, she has the MIdas touch when it comes to blogging. As for me I am trying to get my 46 year old head around the new ‘improved’ WordPress.

When annoying shit happens like having to basically type blindfolded I simply sigh and put it down to The Man trying (yet again) to silence my oh-so-subversive thoughts about kittens, arabic, and kids in care.

And as I simply can’t be arsed to give much of a shit anymore I hereby delegate all the menial tasks to Seaneen who, at 23 or whatever she is, is no Luddite.

She will be deeply insulted by the word menial of course but I deeply and devoutly hope and pray with every ounce of my pick and mix religion that she won’t be offended enough to strike me from her blogroll.

C’mon Seaneen baby have a heart. Especially now that I am proud to announce that when I type Amistillill into google it is proudly displayed at the very top, IN RED!!! How’s that for a result guys? I’m now officially bigger than the Smiths. Possibly my favourite band of all time though they are closely tied to Radiohead. Not to mention the ever-unpopular and terminally uncool Coldplay. And the unheard of and ‘who are they’ James.

Sound like I’m turning into some sort of listy nerdy guy with no life or friends but a lot of neatly and obsessively catalogued CDs and DVDs?

All spelling and typographical errors you may observe on this blog entry are the fault of The Man and I heereby disclaim any responsibility for them. And thank the Lord that I once learned to touch type on a Manpower Services Commission course for people who didn’t want to work way back in Thatcher’s Britain.

And Seaneen, darling…I’m charming when you meet me. One more plea for mercy. Duffy wasn’t singing to no man. She was singing to you!!!

Love all of my diverse and wonderful readers. Love the Madosphere. We’s the Best! We’s takin’ over! And Zoe is still incarcerated in St Ann’s hospital caring for all the broken backed souls who find themselves in that hellhole for no fault of their own. Zoe  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx