When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Archive for May, 2010


Hello peace-loving peeps. My head is god knows where, I am confronting the violence inherent in the system as we speak even if that makes me sound like the politicised peasant in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

These arseholes, these mindless arms of the strong arm of law-enforced psychiatry have falsely imprisoned me in a hell hole called St Ann’s Hospital, Haringey not once but TWICE in the last month.

And then they talk about wanting to work with me. Where is their basic psychology? Would that not appear to be a prerequisite for the job? Apparently not.

They have taken thirteen miserable cursed days from my life.

No more cooperation with the system. It’s over.

No more taking these stupid meds that don’t work, and did I ever seriously believe they could or would?

I am who I am, I harm no one, I’m a bit different and I am proud of who I am.

My mother and my son support me, if anything they are proud of my fighting spirit. My friends support and love me for who I am. My partner ditto. None of them would dream of such violence against a peace loving soul. For what and for why!

When will you understand oh mindless minions of the psychiatric state! I don’t want to be like you!! I see through you, you are all dodgy weird hypocrites wanting to out-normal others because deep down you are the sick ones!!!

What is your vision for me, oh mindless ones without an original thought in your heads? Tell me your vision. You want to make me like you? Who do you think I am, tell me that to start with.

You don’t have the first clue do you? Not the first clue. But I know about you and I could devoutly wish every single day that I had never had that ghastly vision of an evil mindset.

When you intrude into my home I feel besmirched. You are sexually odd. You are weirdly excited by the spectacle of a real human being, because that is what I am.

You are bizarre. You are disinhibited. You are DEEPLY inappropriate. You are deluded. Tell me, can I help?


Fluttering gaily by…

Fresh from a Section 2…

Yeah I kid you not and if any of you had the misfortune to attempt reading the previous post it won’t be hard to work out how it might have come to that.

How do you post piccies up here? I am having a braindead senior moment…felt like introducing a little colour, and maybe a wee image of my sweet self looking as happy as can be tolerated.

Today I have been mostly eating…as little as I can manage, since I am majorly nauseous. The meds I am being forced to take against my better judgment don’t help one bit.

I know no one likes a pity party, but I felt I had to put that stuff up here, grisly bloodbath though it was. I had no proper closure on that situation and still have not, so my blog is one more way of going public, and getting back at ‘them’ in whatever way I can.

Good news is that my hunch was correct, in that my two closest friendships are pretty much unaffected by what happened. In fact, maybe even improved…

I’m under the Home Treatment Team now, let us all thank the Lord. Very weak, exhausted, nauseous and in various kinds of physical pain and discomfort most of the time but who am I to moan about such trifles?

I always win. That’s part of what makes me such a deeply annoying character. My son shares this gene. He has his own gang of ‘haters’ and, like me, he largely smiles and shrugs them off. Aah, poor dears, we can’t all be me, get over it now.

Lotsa love peeps. Zoe xxx