Everything’s fine. Just fine…
OK, what’s a few imperfections between friends?
Isn’t it our very flaws that make us human and interesting? Mentally or otherwise?
I TOLD YOU!!!
And I ain’t tryin’ to make you wrong. Just insisting on my right to be right … at least occasionally.
The dynamic has shifted in our household. D and I are getting into some kind of heavy engagement/confrontation situation. Which is an absolute nightmare … for both of us.
L is the only one who remains relatively unscathed. She is like a cat. Self-sufficient. Concerned about very few things other than regular mealtimes and a little love.
It’s pretty much the ‘life flashing before my eyes’ scenario. I have always been the object of female jealousy and have had to defend myself against the She-Devil so many times that I have achieved mastery of this particular kind of psychic defence/martial art.
Why do Cameron and Clegg (or Cleggeron as my pal A prefers to call them) not appear to realise that the most important job any human being can be doing right now is taming the She-Devil?
Why is there no proper definition of a ‘She-Devil’ in the Oxford English?
Why do you hear so little about her in the popular press?
Would respectfully suggest, your Honour, that I suspect a cover-up.
She is a reality. My reality. I battle her daily. In the form of other women, sometimes ‘men’, but most significantly and scarily of all … in myself.
I can give you plenty information on the She-Devil as I have been studying her for years.
Listen to her sing. You’ll notice she can’t hold a tune and that her singing is in itself an offensive weapon. Know that she won’t decamp voluntarily. She will unfailingly outstay her welcome. She is insensitive to all needs but her own. She is bent on preserving self at the expense of you and me. She cannot be destroyed. Only tamed. Or defused.
Do NOT expect to be able to whip her ass in a fight. It won’t happen. Trust me cos I know of what I speak.
How to tame a She Devil (Advice for the Urban Shaman Part 42 1/2)?
You gotta give her a massive reassuring hug. She is full of fear so try every weapon in the book to win her over. Begin with a flattery offensive. Tell her her hair looks great (it doesn’t). Continue with some slingshots of patently insincere appreciation of her special and unique gifts. Lie shamelessly and through your gritted teeth. Remember, it’s you or her. Her way or the highway.
The She Devil cannot detect these kind of self-defensive porky pies. She doesn’t have an ironic bone in her body (and indeed, will often look as if she has no bones at all).
And how not to deal with a She Devil? Do not on any account attempt physical violence of any sort whatever. It will backfire on you very badly indeed. You have been warned!
Even worse than this? Laughing at her. Don’t even go there. Babs. XXX