When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

I kicked him out!/But he came back again, to the tune of Chumbawumba’s ‘I get knocked down’.

I am one big softie sometimes folks. He somehow melts my heart. I know some of you will curse and spit (only metaphorically) and say C’MON Zoe! But what are you to do when you kick him out and he’s all on his own in the Big Bad World without you?

He said he didn’t want to leave me alone either, but I pointed out that objectively speaking I am not nearly so alone as him. I still have friends (a few) and plenty of associates too who I see regularly. I’m involved in quite a few groups etc. He never really ‘gets me’. He’s always worrying that I’m ‘getting high’ when actually I’m way down in the dumpster and vice versa. He really has very little idea who I am.

I’m fed up with my hair. It’s long and red with no style whatsoever, as the layers have long grown out. I’ve decided to visit the hairdresser today and have a fringe and bangs cut back into it. At age 50 we need a style that’s going to lift our face a bit, and I read somewhere that ‘bangs’ can make you look ten years younger!!

I stopped wearing make up pretty much completely when M came into my life a year and a half ago. He doesn’t like it and thought I looked like a tart. Isn’t that sexist, and silly of me I suppose to fall in with his wishes, but maybe I’ve just got a little lazy as well. No one ever stares at me in the street now. I don’t really miss it as I wasn’t keen on being ogled when I was young and nubile. I do like to look nice though, well I guess we all do…

I’m a failure as an independent woman!! Z X



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