When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

A Celebration of Suicide

Having trouble getting rid of M. He sticks to me like used chewing gum to the sole of your shoe. He has nobody else. That’s the trouble. I know I’m kicking him out, to just nothingness. An interpersonal desert. I still like having another human being around me, but this particular human being is probably a liability more than an asset.

Went to sleep early and got up even earlier, about twenty to three. I drink a whisky drink, I drink a vodka drink, I drink a lager drink, I drink a cider drink, to paraphrase Chumbawumba’s song ‘Tubthumping’. Though in my case substitute ‘a coffee drink’ and ‘a tea drink’. Vape on my e-cig. Browse The Suicide Project. Read my last post at Am I Still Ill? and think how sad and pathetic it sounds…

Does reading other suicidal people’s posts make things worse or better? Well I think it helps me feel not so alone.  I don’t want to get into that self-pitying thing of ‘No one has it as hard as me!!’ Nor do I want to compete in the Misery Olympics. I find the solidarity and support depressed people can offer one another to be an uplifting thing. We may want to off ourselves, but we will bust a gut to bring someone else back from the brink. That’s another illogical yet lovable quality of the human being.

Suicide is a part of the rich panorama that makes up human existence. Just like laughter, tears, recreational sex and madness itself, it is pretty much unique to the human species, and has always happened. I almost feel like celebrating it.

Lots love Zx




Comments on: "A Celebration of Suicide" (2)

  1. Bristol Michael said:

    It’s M’s responsibility to get himself through that desert, not yours. Encouraging him to be dependant is not the way forward for either of you. Most workers in the drug field (many of whom are former users) say the only way for someone such as M to accept the help on offer is for that person to reach rock bottom. M won’t do that if he’s still sticking to you. There’s risk in this but hey! – there’s always risk, it’s part of life. You ARE right to turf him out.

    A while back you wrote about your Baptism followed by a longish silence. Have you talked to anybody sensible at Church about this?

    As Churchill said, “Keep buggering on!” M;)

    • Hey Michael. Keep buggering on, I like that!

      Thanks for your words of wisdom. You’re right of course. Can’t argue with any of what you said.

      We all (in the congregation) have a standing invitation to take one of the clergy team for tea and a chat! Maybe I should take them up on it…Afraid I’ve been remiss and missed church for the past two weeks.

      Lots love and thanks for your comment! Zx

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