Having trouble getting rid of M. He sticks to me like used chewing gum to the sole of your shoe. He has nobody else. That’s the trouble. I know I’m kicking him out, to just nothingness. An interpersonal desert. I still like having another human being around me, but this particular human being is probably a liability more than an asset.
Went to sleep early and got up even earlier, about twenty to three. I drink a whisky drink, I drink a vodka drink, I drink a lager drink, I drink a cider drink, to paraphrase Chumbawumba’s song ‘Tubthumping’. Though in my case substitute ‘a coffee drink’ and ‘a tea drink’. Vape on my e-cig. Browse The Suicide Project. Read my last post at Am I Still Ill? and think how sad and pathetic it sounds…
Does reading other suicidal people’s posts make things worse or better? Well I think it helps me feel not so alone. I don’t want to get into that self-pitying thing of ‘No one has it as hard as me!!’ Nor do I want to compete in the Misery Olympics. I find the solidarity and support depressed people can offer one another to be an uplifting thing. We may want to off ourselves, but we will bust a gut to bring someone else back from the brink. That’s another illogical yet lovable quality of the human being.
Suicide is a part of the rich panorama that makes up human existence. Just like laughter, tears, recreational sex and madness itself, it is pretty much unique to the human species, and has always happened. I almost feel like celebrating it.
Lots love Zx