When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Acceptance and Faith

Hi Peeps. Yesterday morning I made the decision not to spend the day depressed. Every time a negative thought process threatened to overwhelm me, I simply replaced it with something positive. This may not work so well when the depression concerned is more of the organic variety (and has already taken hold), but when there are obvious triggers and there’s still a choice, this CBT lark can really work!

Along with this is a focus on acceptance of my reality and faith that my life is unfolding in line with the divine plan. The universe is pushing me toward less dependence on other people, and more on my Higher Power. Sometimes there is just no alternative. I am literally brought to my knees. Other people’s input is still essential but one is often left with stuff that others cannot really help me with, no matter how well-intentioned they may be.

I’ve been angry with my reality and fought it tooth and nail. Acceptance and faith are the antidote to this anger which so easily turns to depression when it can find no other outlet. They are probably also key in my avoiding another temporary flight from reality itself, otherwise known as psychosis.

It is eminently possible for me to become all I can be, despite having a troubled son, struggling with loneliness and having a major mental illness which makes it all but impossible to work for my living. For me to take this on board and work on acceptance can only do my son good. Wallowing in despair and raging at life is not good role modelling for him.

Children are great motivators. My son was born for a reason. Sometimes those things which rock our equanimity at its foundations can turn out to be the greatest gifts.

Spiritual development calls me, its imperative growing ever louder the more I try to shut it out. And I have this in common with everyone else. When I accept loneliness and don’t let it panic me, it opens up another channel. This too, is a gift. It’s fighting the inevitable that causes the pain and fear.

Today I choose to embrace life and not to fight it.

Zoe x

Advertisements

Comments on: "Acceptance and Faith" (3)

  1. The Ranting Git said:

    Hello Zoe, I had Cognitive Recognition psychotherapy during which I learned various coping strategies, one of which was “choosing” how long to be “depressed” for.

    For instance, we wake up… we KNOW when it’s a bad day in an instant. So, first thing you do is say to yourself “OK… I don’t like it, but heck, it’s a bad day and that is that – I accept it… tomorrow should be better!”

    I then give myself a set amount of time, usually two hours. That two hours is “misery time” where I allow myself to dwell, panic, muse or whatever on what is bothering me. When that two hours is up, time really is up… I get up and get on with something else completely. Find things to do. Not always easy to find motivation but I bully myself gently into it, and refuse to let the gloom drag me back down.

    It might sound a little crazy, but like anything, it takes time, practice and discipline to make this way of thinking and living work, but for myself, it’s been a lifesaver. It’s not THE ANSWER though because it won’t work for every individual but that’s how I get by. It does kinda tie into what you wrote in the first paragraph in that there is some degree of choice available to us.

    Accepting ones depression or bad moods is in essence a victory of sorts. It’s when one can’t accept and get annoyed, resentful about it that one starts getting sucked into the vortex.

    • Thank you for this ‘ranting git’, lol! (I know who you are, I’m just respecting your confidentiality). I find this very helpful, and am glad you’ve found a way of coping with those bad days.

      Sorry I didn’t reply to your last message btw. I’m struggling to keep up with my email correspondence etc. For someone who complains of loneliness, I’m finding it strangely hard to interact with people one to one…even on a computer screen. Sometimes I lack the heart. Running on empty.

      Thank you for posting here. I really appreciate it. I’m gonna look into that Cognitive Recognition Therapy. I’ve applied to two places for one to one counselling too. Just waiting to hear. Do I ever need it.

      Talking therapies should simply be available in an ongoing way, free of charge, to those of us who suffer ‘severe, enduring’ mental illness. A news story this very day more or less said so.

      But I digress. I owe you an email.

      x

      • The Ranting Git said:

        Ah, don’t worry about owing emails! You focus on what you need to focus on right now. Am happy to natter here and on relevant entries.

        Getting that therapy wasn’t easy. I’d spent two years zonked on meds and within my confused state I realised I was getting nowhere. When I next saw my Doctor, I kinda lost it, slammed my fist on his desk and demanded therapy of some kind. Here’s the killer – I was put on a waiting list – a TWO YEAR wait. This was in mid 2004. From that point until February 2006 when I kicked the meds I swear I have next to no memory of that time. Awful.

        The therapy began that June and went into September. I got given 14 weeks – unfortunately it took 12 weeks before we finally achieved a breakthrough at which point it was rushed to a conclusion. I often wonder what an extra couple of weeks might had achieved. That’s the NHS for you.

        Either way, I did gain some stuff from it, hence my coping strategy! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: