When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Alone again…Naturally.

Anyone remember that ancient number, from the seventies or suchlike? The funny is thing is, I can’t remember any of the song except for this mournful refrain.

I spent the day surrounded by people. Lovely people. Funny, talented, positive people. My theatre group, who I was rehearsing, and then performing with. It does me no end of good to be around them, but when I finally came away after quite a successful performance, my mood slumped again. I knew I was going home to more loneliness. And I’m sorry to keep whingeing on about it, dear reader. I probably need to get a grip of myself. I’m going to end up pissing people off. It’s not as if it’s an uncommon complaint, these days. I know the sort of things I need to do, and I’m in the process of sorting out some counselling so that I can further explore the possible underlying causes of my loneliness.

No missive had arrived in the telltale brown envelope in that familiar handwriting. Seems like even M – in prison, if you please – can’t be bothered with me.

But heck. I’m STILL an infinitely precious, valuable, wonderfully complex and multilayered human being. Those reading this blog for the first time will be thinking to themselves ‘Wow, what a narcissist!’ The rest of you will know that this is my way of saying that every human life is sacred, and that no one person is worth more than another.

The Home Treatment Team were trying to contact me today without success. I just don’t hear my new phone’s ringtone at all. So I phoned them back. They wanted to bring me some medication as I was running out, but I’d already been to the GP to put in a prescription request. Doubtful whether they can, in all honesty, offer me very much more than that. Anyway I started the week badly, but it improved. I didn’t think I was going to be up to performing today, but it all came together. That was an achievement to chalk up. Sometimes NOTHING seems to make me feel any better though. It’s as if all these wonderful external things can’t quite penetrate the invisble perspex bubble that surrounds me.

The Bubble of Doom.

xxx

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