When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…


Hello. And it really has been hell-o.

But how are you dear reader?

I’m in one of my deep blue funks. 50 years old, partnerless, ex in prison, child languishing in foster care, just a few friends away from total isolation. I’m not that great a person to know, alas. I can probably bring little comfort or joy to anyone’s life right now. I’ve been better, that’s for sure.

Yet I’m somehow still here. Still battling. Not given up or retreated into a parallel dimension (psychosis). Things are going to get better. Right now, they’re as bad as it probably gets.

I went to open my mail this morning, and had had a copy of my last email sent from the prison. This has never happened before. What does it mean? Is he in trouble, ill, in solitary or been hurt in there? Has he just flipped (as I’m sure I would, in there)?

I’m seeing a friend for coffee then I’ve got my therapy group. Thank God for other people. Some lonely people get resentful of others, and I know how that is, but all in all, I find that other people are nicer than me. I’m in awe of many of them. How do they manage to take such a genuine and active interest in others? I’m self-obsessed and self-absorbed.

Thank God, as I say, for other people. Thank God for you, dear reader.

Zoe x




Comments on: "Hell-o" (3)

  1. Yes, it is easy to fall into a rut of self-absorption sometimes, Zoe.
    People often, naturally, like to feel useful, don’t they/we? In bringing others cheer we seem to cheer ourselves up, too…
    Feeling useless is disempowering. The system takes its toll and yet ,as you say, you are still here and fighting. Keep it up my friend and please try not to compare yourself or your ‘lot’ so much to those who appear to have more luck.

    Katy 🙂

  2. Just found this blog

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