When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

A Good Night’s Sleep

I thought ATOS were a thing of the past folks. But I have just had a missive through the door from them (it being a Saturday so I am unable to phone them naturally). I was under the impression that die to their malpractice that caused untold suffering, anxiety and even death to so many vulnerable, ill and disabled people in this country who they certified as ‘fit for work’, that the government had replaced them with a more reasonable agency?

It seems not. Unless I am existing in a time warp.

They told me I need to fill in a questionnaire they allegedly sent me on 5th September. I received no such questionnaire. The most I heard from the benefits agencies was that I should expect a phone call from them at some point. I have received no such phone call.

If I do not fill in this questionnaire regarding my fitness to work by 6th October my benefits may be affected.

Well It would have helped enormously if I had ever received it in the first place, what think you folks?

I am suspicious of the Royal Mail now, since they removed their parcel pick-up point from Tottenham Lane Hornsey to an industrial estate in Tufnel Park N19. So who knows what they did with the supposedly now defunct ATOS questionnaire?

Having failed to kill us off by forcing us ‘back to work’ and cutting off our benefits, they now appear to want to kill us from sheer confusion! You pays your money and takes your choice, but either way their intentions toward us don’t appear to be benign.

Well I still have time to get a questionnaire and fill it in luckily. I will phone them on Monday, get one sent out and provided the Royal Mail don’t stick their oar in again it should be with them by 6th October.

I was wondering when on earth the Government would get on to me!

What ‘job’ do they have in mind for me I wonder, a 52 year old manic depressive who has been thoroughly put through the mangle of the mental health system, systematically brutalised, repressed, marginalised, disenfranchised, ostracized and stigmatised by this pathetic excuse for a ‘society’?

Moving swiftly on from that unpleasant subject though, I had the best night’s sleep I’ve had probably for months. I went to sleep at about 8.30pm and didn’t wake until 9am, (apart from a brief foray on my computer looking at a documentary about Tupac Shakur called ‘Thug Angel’). I couldn’t be bothered to watch it in the end so just left the sound on, went back to my sofa and slept like a baby for about six more hours

The role played by my Nembutal can’t be overlooked. I took a good teaspoonful of the noxious, illegal, potentially lethal barbiturate last night shortly after I wrote my last post to you guys, entitled ‘Fuck This Shit’. It is known to the initiated as the Holy Grail of Suicide Methods and I acquired it from China. It worked like a dream. I am my own psychiatrist now.

It tastes like camel spunk but it does the job. The trick is to suck on a square of dark chocolate and take a sip of hot black coffee directly after ingesting it. It makes me gag but somehow my body accepts it where it will no longer accept any of the pharmaceutical goodies my ex-psychs wanted to hand out. And my body has to be the judge at the end of the day.

I seem to be hopeless with downloading u-torrents. Eminem’s 8 Mile was the movie I really wanted to watch and there seemed literally no other way of accessing it. If any of you have found a way do let me know. But u-torrents? Beyond me. I can’t even add new tracks to my tiny IPod shuffle. I’m too old school for the modern world. I know my supergeek ex Richard could do it but we’re currently not speaking since he refused to lend me more than a fiver when I was penniless and had nothing to eat. His choice.

A lot of stuff I want to do simply gets derailed so I’ve given up stressing about it and just accept that it’s God’s will. For a born-again atheist that is quite a leap of faith, I’m sure you’ll agree Peeps.

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