When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Giving in to Insomnia

Yeah peeps, let’s drink coffee and let it have its head.

Seem to have a lot on my mind. Publicly aired my feelings about the chatroom bans on Suicide Project. Admin guy came there to comment. Now at last at fecking last I understand the real reason I was banned. Yet again I am the freaking scapegoat for someone else’s idiocy and incompetence.

Unfortunately the tendency to become manic/psychotic will always ALWAYS leave me vulnerable to becoming some sort of fall guy to these kinds of people.

What makes me feel slightly better about it is that…hot damn. I can’t tell you that because it compromises someone else’s privacy. Someone I actually care for deeply. Someone who is also vulnerable. Nuff said.

I found another suicide chatroom. It’s not full of peeps tearing each other down and sexually harassing women. But it is full of seriously distressed peeps who want to end their freaking lives. And that’s no longer really me.

Look at that selfie. I’m STROOOOONG! (Also a bit of a narcissist, but that’s well documented). I actually have quite a lot going for me though. I’m not beaten yet.

Having said that I still prefer to be around sad peeps than ‘happy’ ones. I am fundamentally melancholic.

I’ve been very sociable the last few days. It’s good I still have that option. Reading the sad peeps’ stories, so many of them folks, so many, I realise how much worse my life could be. And yeah, I get a little perspective.

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