When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Another Beautiful Day

The brief fling with the dodgy guy predictably came to an abrupt end with a heated exchange of texts lol! I am a master of the cutting, vitriolic text, not an accomplishment I can take any pride in whatsoever but frankly he deserves worse.

Why are assholes like him happily enjoying their existences while so many good people suffer and want to die? He’s also scared of me, scared of what I might do…hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that (not that he particularly scorned me, more the other way around). He’s paranoid basically.

It’s another beautiful day. I am still full of cold but with the help of substances ‘achieved’ two sleeps of two and three hours respectively.

I always wake up these days profoundly relieved at having managed to lose consciousness for a bit. I somewhat envy the type of depressive who goes to bed and sleeps all the hours god sends. Strange thing to envy, but I have altogether too much time on my hands given that I can’t focus on much, feel constantly restless and am mentally (hyper)active. Boredom and frustration have been my unwanted companions for a very long time.

At least I’m expressing myself and posting on the forums now, and the chats (and here). Before Abilify I didn’t even have the courage to do that, was too shit scared of rejection or getting a bad response.


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