When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Can’t Stop Eating!

…but have got to find a way. I FEEL diabetes in my bones and flesh…the prickling of the skin, the flushing of the face, the need to urinate, wounds that are sore and slow to heal, a cold that won’t clear up, and always the uncontrollable insatiable fucking hunger!

Reading back over the last posts it’s quite clear I have an issue with food which is responsible for a lot of this fatigue and other symptoms (not necessarily the insomnia though).

I am facing chronic degenerative physical illness for the first time in my life and it doesn’t look good or feel good.

Yeah a part of me, let’s face it quite a big part of me might not want to even be on this planet. But eating my way to even more disability is not an efficient way to accomplish that goal. I am just slowly destroying myself, infinestimally slowly, it could take freaking decades of being physically AND mentally fucked up and I can’t go there. I really can’t.

One small silver lining is that a vegan diet is supposed to be good for diabetes. Naturally not the kind of vegan diet that features a lot of white flour, fat and sugar mind. But plenty of veggies = good for sure.

If I can find the energy I am going to try and get to Overeaters Anonymous tomorrow. It helped me a lot years ago. I’ve never been in such poor health ever, and I feel somewhat ashamed that it is my own lack of self-control that has brought me to this. At the same time, I frankly am a food addict, I am simply not in control of this at the moment, and it won’t help to start beating myself up for that.

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