When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Born Again Happy

Hi Peeps. My housemate and I are still together, still happy, discovering new things about each other and life itself every day. Finally loyal readers who have been with me for years, you can breathe a sigh of relief! My major life problems and worries are simply gone. I am coming into my own at long last.

As noted in previous posts I am surrounded by a strong and faithful team of friends and supporters, and I also have a viable long-term partner who wants nothing more than to share my life and living space.

Should I tell you a little more about the mystery guy? I have to keep a weather eye out for his confidentiality, but with this in mind I will sketch you out as many details as I can currently muster.

My guy is half Dominican and half Jamaican. He’s tall, athletic and handsome and also highly intelligent and creative. He is a free- thinker who resolutely goes his own way in life. He isn’t aggressive but stands his ground. He is not a yes-man but sometimes he will defer to my judgment and is very respectful. He is 20 years my junior. He is a Virgo lol (I’m Pisces), born in the Year of the Dog (very compatible with the Tiger).

He was a hip hop artist in his early twenties and I deeply admire his work. Yes folks, I’m living with a fecking star!! But an unassuming, modest one almost totally devoid of ego. He’s kind of a serious guy who feels he has a mission in life and must hold true to his own deepest beliefs and hard-won principles. Kind of a loner but a very sociable one…bit like me really. He’s always lived in this area so he knows it really well and his work is full of local references which give me a warm feeling inside when I hear them. You guys probably know that hip hop and Grime is all about ‘repping your ends’…giving due homage to your local neighbourhood, brethren and environment.

So here we are, a rags to riches story whereby an unreconstructed lunatic on benefits meets a fucking word-wizard/performer and somehow this unlikely pairing works! Maybe not so very surprising to those of you who realise how deep my hip hop roots go and how I’m something of a wordsmith myself despite being sadly incapable of rapping lol!

I am so happy folks. And no it isn’t Lerve’s Young Dream. It’s way more than a starry eyed romance. This is my soul partner. He’s practically perfect in every way, to quote Mary Poppins. And yeah, you may be a bit punch drunk from my last Great Love with M which went so horribly wrong. You may be concerned that this could go the same way.

Well M is now my best and closest friend in the world, no question. We are soulmates, but we’re both fine with a platonic relationship and have other partners now with no jealousy. So it isn’t like I was totally wrong about M, and I’m not wrong about this guy either, trust me!

I’m 53, a woman of a certain age, no longer of childbearing years, thought I was simply marking time until my Mum died so I could ‘catch the bus’ as we on suicide forums refer to suicide. And yes, I have my Nembutal. I don’t care who knows about that. I probably won’t need it now in all honesty, and am not a suicide risk in any case, never really was.

Now I am companionated. It’s no longer me against the world, it’s us. I have great friends around me and good relationships with my professional supporters such as my care coordinator Jane. I feel a tremendous resurgence of creativity and inspiration. I am in a state of Flow. Life has become pretty much effortless. This is the culmination and peak of my existence that I have been seeking and working toward my whole life.

And needless to say, the sex is fecking great lol!

So there we have it. The news is nothing but good. The cash flow situation is currently a little dicey but with a little help from various friends and professionals I am working on thaqt and don’t anticipate it being a problem for much longer. What you’ve got here is not a winner rescuing a loser but two winners pooling their considerable resources.

Yah boo sucks to my haters! You envied, feared and resented me even when I was down and out and yeah, you put the boot in when I was on my knees. I can only assume that you had some kind of psychic powers and knew that one day I would outstrip you and go utterly beyond you, and you didn’t like that. It’s all come to be. You didn’t kill me A and the Equals crew, you made me stronger and vastly increased my self-confidence and knowledge. So thank you to every enemy who has ever needlessly attacked me just simply for being the person I am.

It’s all good folks, and I know that my loyal readers and some of the new ones will be inwardly cheering me on and sending me only good vibes, and for that I will be eternally grateful. This blog has been yet one more resource that has kept me plugging on all these years and I love to go back over it from time to time, it provides an invaluable record of where I was at and often some fairly impressive insights though I do say so myself.

Thank you gentle reader for your indulgence of my freedom and happiness, and I wish only that you will be blessed with the same, more every day. For those of you currently going through some version of Hell, Purgatory or Limbo, please take heart from my story. Remember life is a pilgrimage down some very rocky, thorny paths, but it’s all progress even when it doesn’t feel that way.

Laters folks!


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