When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Technically Not Possible…

…for a 53 year old post-menopausal woman to be pregnant, but I think I am. I defy nature lol! Not going for no scans though. Fuck the medical profession. I’ve suffered enough at their hands. What will be will be.

A few cash flow issues right now. I’m typing this from my mum’s house, having scraped together the train fare today. Couldn’t face another penniless night on the streets. There’s some family politics to sort out and I’m the only one who can do it, so… I’m grateful for my mum and son, only with them (and Ezra) do I ever have a real sense of belonging.

Have not heard a dickey bird (lol) from Ez in prison. Don’t know the length of his sentence or anything, but I’m as sure as I can be that he will be appealing it. We communicate constantly on a psychic and phenomenal level so I actually don’t feel too deprived without his actual physical presence.

I feel very happy and fulfilled right now. My dreams have come true. My ‘illness’ is a thing of the past. For mental illness read ‘being ahead of your time’. And as a confirmed introvert I am always compulsively early for everything (and over-prepared). Maybe not such a bad thing after all huh?

Trying to teach others to be professional to my level is a long slow job. But my care coordinator Jane has a good heart and honestly and faithfully tries to follow through with what I ask her to do. When I need to let off steam I find a way of doing so. It is really the only way to communicate to others what you need them to do.

Yeah the world and its wife are seriously retarded, but wtf. It is what it is. I got my wish. I died to my old life and was reborn somewhere I belonged. I love my life, and feel like I just conquered Everest. Always higher peaks to climb though. A true artist is never satisfied.


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