When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Archive for November, 2015

Raising Merry Hell

Well peeps. What is there to say?

You would have to be certifiably dead not to notice that there is something in the air.

I’m having a fantastic time. No, I don’t party. I don’t go clubbing. I have associates, but not really friends. I don’t do drugs or alcohol. I don’t chat on the phone.

But my life has great purpose and meaning. Isn’t that true happiness, folks?

I live to sing and dance. It’s a shame to have to come back to the house to fecking sleep, coz I long to be back out there reinventing myself every day and imagining myself into the life that I always wanted.

Let me tell you what it’s not about. It’s not about power. It’s not about money. It’s not about fancy clothes and a ‘luxurious’ lifestyle. It ain’t diamond rings. I wouldn’t give you tuppence for one. It’s not about stupid tripped out weddings. It’s not about religion. It’s not about politics. It’s not about what YOU want. I don’t give a flying fuck about that. I’ve made up your mind tee hee.

We are all fundamentally selfish. That’s normal and natural. For feck’s sake, if I don’t get mine you won’t get yours and vice versa. We are all connected. Hello? I can treat you shamefully and sleep good at night? Nope, coz my conscience will haunt me and karma come back to bite me in the ass. So for purely selfish reasons I’m gonna treat you good and protect your interests along with my own.

It’s not about security. I like danger! It’s not about owning property. I’m a gypsy at heart. It’s not about men versus women, white versus black, or any of that nonsense. Please gentle reader, have the courage to simply be who you are. It needs no excuses remember!

I love the simple things in life. ‘Men, Louise?’ I hear you say. Well yeah, up to a point, but my heart is shared with only one. No, I mean shit like the trees in autumn, the changing landscape of the sky, an unexpected smile from a stranger, smoking a roll up and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning…

Life is for living, but love makes life live.




Stormzy is Special

Why Stormzy? Coz I feel like he has the balls and bottle to speak for me…not many do, trust me. He is a humble gentle giant of the sort we Brits tend to love. An understated, unassuming hero. He is so full of something that is both him but not him at all… So glad he’s getting the recognition he so richly deserves.

Sixty Minute Takeover

The Grime Generals

That’s Not Me

Getalong Gang

Here’s To My Demon

Ah well, eternal servitude to a demon might not be so terrible if he’s cute lol.

Which he is.

Last four days I’ve been in a happier space.

I don’t need weed, alcohol or any drug, I get high as fuck just listening to my music and observing popular culture from the comfort and safety of my own bedroom.

He may be incarcerated and I haven’t even heard from him but he’s with me when I go to bed, right there when I wake up…

‘I’m just a bit boring’, he sweetly said, self-knowledge and honesty, I happen to like and need a boring man, frustrating though it can sometimes be.

‘I can only be real’, he said, even our psychodramas were somehow part of the plan.

He just did his thing, I did mine, neither of us were watching the other, when we went out we walked on opposite sides of the street, no cutesey hand-holding, we are not normal, but who the fuck is?

The funniest thing that cracks us both up is how weirdly alike we are, each other’s mirror, the reflections of his nature that come through me and vice versa.

He robbed me blind and literally put me on the streets but he gave me the gift of eternal life so who’s complaining?

What use is all the money in the world without someone to share it?

Yeah man, it’s Sod’s Law that those of us who want nothing more but to die for something much greater than us are gifted with eternal youth and so on. Those who love their lives have them taken away.

Please God (hah!) he will find a way to argue himself into a shorter sentence. Personally I would take the line that the criminal justice system has swung way to far the other way to favour and protect women at the expense of men. Yeah he made a silly mistake one fateful night, I seriously doubt that his vindictive ex was permanently hurt by what passed between them. It is beyond me how a person could want to hurt so badly someone they professed to love.

So if he takes on the criminal justice system he will have to do it in a fairly grandiose way, but that’s nothing new to him. Nothing is purely personal to either of us. We both think on a world scale. ‘Mad underdog, one of the realest on the map’ is how he put it in one of his hip hop tracks. When he was in prison before he dwelt less on his predicament than on the sadness of the other prisoners’ situations. Much like I was so disturbed and distressed by the distress of my fellow inmates in the loony bin.

I lay down my life for my people, he does the same. We ‘rep’ our ‘ends’ and the rest of the world, slowly but surely, follows suit. No one can truly lead from above. Only those on the bottom have the authority to ultimately overstand.

I keep this blog for my own benefit, to have a record, and sometimes even I am disturbed by what I have written on previous occasions. But I don’t delete shit because in my beloved’s words, ‘I can only be real’. The fact that next to no one reads it is very much in keeping with the rest of my life. But rest assured, the message gets through. ‘The quietest people have the loudest minds’.