Ah well, eternal servitude to a demon might not be so terrible if he’s cute lol.
Which he is.
Last four days I’ve been in a happier space.
I don’t need weed, alcohol or any drug, I get high as fuck just listening to my music and observing popular culture from the comfort and safety of my own bedroom.
He may be incarcerated and I haven’t even heard from him but he’s with me when I go to bed, right there when I wake up…
‘I’m just a bit boring’, he sweetly said, self-knowledge and honesty, I happen to like and need a boring man, frustrating though it can sometimes be.
‘I can only be real’, he said, even our psychodramas were somehow part of the plan.
He just did his thing, I did mine, neither of us were watching the other, when we went out we walked on opposite sides of the street, no cutesey hand-holding, we are not normal, but who the fuck is?
The funniest thing that cracks us both up is how weirdly alike we are, each other’s mirror, the reflections of his nature that come through me and vice versa.
He robbed me blind and literally put me on the streets but he gave me the gift of eternal life so who’s complaining?
What use is all the money in the world without someone to share it?
Yeah man, it’s Sod’s Law that those of us who want nothing more but to die for something much greater than us are gifted with eternal youth and so on. Those who love their lives have them taken away.
Please God (hah!) he will find a way to argue himself into a shorter sentence. Personally I would take the line that the criminal justice system has swung way to far the other way to favour and protect women at the expense of men. Yeah he made a silly mistake one fateful night, I seriously doubt that his vindictive ex was permanently hurt by what passed between them. It is beyond me how a person could want to hurt so badly someone they professed to love.
So if he takes on the criminal justice system he will have to do it in a fairly grandiose way, but that’s nothing new to him. Nothing is purely personal to either of us. We both think on a world scale. ‘Mad underdog, one of the realest on the map’ is how he put it in one of his hip hop tracks. When he was in prison before he dwelt less on his predicament than on the sadness of the other prisoners’ situations. Much like I was so disturbed and distressed by the distress of my fellow inmates in the loony bin.
I lay down my life for my people, he does the same. We ‘rep’ our ‘ends’ and the rest of the world, slowly but surely, follows suit. No one can truly lead from above. Only those on the bottom have the authority to ultimately overstand.
I keep this blog for my own benefit, to have a record, and sometimes even I am disturbed by what I have written on previous occasions. But I don’t delete shit because in my beloved’s words, ‘I can only be real’. The fact that next to no one reads it is very much in keeping with the rest of my life. But rest assured, the message gets through. ‘The quietest people have the loudest minds’.