When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

He Loves Me

He’s not infatuated. I haven’t seduced him. We’ve lived together over a year, not as an item.

My one fear? That he’ll be snatched away by the po po like the last two. And this time it could potentially be even more serious. Because of the immigration issues. I’ve had to live with this all the time I’ve known him. A lesson in impermanence? Or could it be a case of ‘three times lucky’?

And what really hurts is he doesn’t seem to take it seriously. He seems on the one hand anxious and on the other, completely cavalier about the prospect of going to jail. He’ll say things like ‘You’ll write to me won’t you?’ Acccchhhh. Been there and done that twice already. I’m getting so tired of it now.

I told him I won’t be visiting him in Somalia. I’ve told him ‘I ain’t going to jail. Not even to visit a nigga’ (50 Cent). And for once he replied laughing ‘Who says I’m going to Somalia?’ Well up to now, he has. I’ve pointed out that exchanging letters from jail is NOTHING like having someone in your life who you can see or talk to everyday and hold him in your arms like he’s the most precious gift in the universe.

I pointed out to him a Somalian convicted rapist who was in the news, almost the same age as him who also came here at age 10. He’s recently been charged and convicted of (unsuccessfully) attempting to drug and kidnap young schoolgirls in our local area. And apparently HE got a stay of deportation to Somalia on grounds of human rights.

But he doesn’t seem remotely interested. Talk of using the human rights act seems to go right over his head. He never looks up realistic ways to avoid this happening at all costs. It seems like I’m the one it all devolves on. He’s usually busy getting drunk to escape it all.

If it was as simple as getting a marriage of convenience I would do it tomorrow. I would have done it yesterday. I doubt if it would make a shred of difference though. But this is a petty criminal. He gets done for not particularly serious assaults now and again and possession of Class B drugs. The reality is, he’s far more vulnerable than he is a danger to anybody. But all of the little things mount up. He had a passport someone had given him which the po po found at his house and is considered stolen goods. He had to go back to court for non payment of fines of about £1000 but arrangements have been made for him to pay it back in instalments of £10 a fortnight.

Solly I beg you, don’t do this to me again. Being torn away from you would be akin to losing my right leg.

The po po surely have bigger fish to fry in this urban landscape.

He likes to tease and test me though. But that doesn’t take away the fact that he is in a vulnerable position, and therefore, so am I.


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