I am two-dimensional. I am a living, breathing cartoon character. I am a caricature of myself.
Such a life is demonstrably advantageous. A cartoon character doesn’t feel. It can engage in cartoon punch-ups and experience cartoon concussion.
A cartoon character is impossible to ‘take seriously’. A cartoon character knowingly sends itself up with every word it speaks.
A cartoon character has a kind of spurious ‘popularity’ in that everyone thinks they know who the cartoon character is. When in fact you and I both know? The cartoon character is no one at all.
People confuse ‘reality’ and ‘fiction’ all the time and often prefer their own ‘fictional’ world. So by becoming a cartoon I am literally giving everyone who comes into contact with me, exactly what they want. This is a FANTASTIC self-defence strategy. I’m a cartoon! How threatening can I ever be?
I love my cartoon life. Being able to slip under door-jambs and through window-cracks, or have people unwittingly wipe their feet on you are just added bonuses.
Cartoon characters are universally loved. They are never considered difficult, crazy or awkward. They always act predictably and ‘in character’. And it must surely go without saying that they are so much more at home in this world of illusions.