When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Posts tagged ‘kittens’

…and Friendship with Kittens…

Regarding kitties…thank you La, they are fine. Merlin the kitten is now about seven months old and is a fine physical specimen. He is also a good laugh. When I wake in the morning, around 7.30, he is there, sitting always bolt upright on the corner of the foot of my bed, to greet me. It’s a happy thing to have a soft, warm kitten to stroke and cuddle first thing in the morning.

The situation with my friend that I described in the last post is no longer playing on my mind. I managed to have a talk with her. It was quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say to anyone. I felt I was risking losing her friendship or alienating both of them for good. Sadly it would not have been the first time a friendship had gone down as a result of me speaking my mind.

But all that said I did feel it was something I had to do. And she took it incredibly well. Not, of course, that she was pleased and happy to hear my words of wisdom! More like shocked, upset and angry…which was entirely natural. But she said she would go away and think about it. In a way I must admit I almost did want to shock her, so as to shake her into waking up to what was happening. But I knew I was testing the friendship by saying this stuff, and it was excruciatingly hard for me to take that risk.

Anyway I saw her again yesterday and she was quite normal with me. Which was a huge relief.

Blogging from work. Not a very busy day in the office. OA this evening. Lots of love…Zoe.

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Arabic, friends and more kitten talk!

Hi peeps. I’ve been a much happier bunny all round this last week. Life has got its taste back. I have recovered my enthusiasm and excitement about things that I want to do and so forth. Last night I started a course in Beginners’ Arabic, which believe it or not is something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while but had thought that it would be too much, the way I was feeling. As my mood was so much better I thought I would try and join, two weeks late notwithstanding. The very nice Somalian/Yemeni teacher was understanding and helpful though and has offered to tutor me up to the others’ level on Saturday mornings. Part of me thinks I’m a little mad to take it on, but provided my mental and physical health holds I should be OK. I have good language learning ability. And I really just wanted to do something that’s both fun and challenging.

Other good things are unfolding in my life. My new friend who lives nearby. We’ve been getting on really well so far. I hesitate to say much about it. I don’t want this friendship to go the way of some others that seemed to start promisingly but kind of fizzled out for one reason and another. I have a tendency to get very enthusiastic at the outset of a friendship (or project) but don’t always have the long-term staying power to see it through. I will say this though. If you asked me to name one thing that I feel would most improve the quality of my life I would probably say ‘more and closer friendships’. It’s one of the regrets of my life that I haven’t been a better and more loyal friend whether through my own faults and flaws or because of circumstances (such as the illness) beyond my control.

Then there is the delight of Merlin the kitten and Amber the older cat. Merlin gave Richard and me a turn on Saturday when he disappeared completely for several hours. We hunted everywhere, combed the neighbourhood and the back alleys, calling and calling. It was getting dark and I had more or less given up hope when I was standing in the kitchen and I saw to my great relief his little black front end coming through the cat flap. The prodigal kitten had returned!

I kept him in for a while after that. Now he is allowed out again, on good behaviour, with a collar with a bell on it on which I have written all our details. He is also microchipped naturally. He so loves to be outdoors and usually I have to say he is sensible though adventurous. Of course he’s neutered too. And I have noticed in the last few days he seems to be bonding with me more. He’s affectionate, likes attention, and sleeps on my bed, where before he shared Amber’s. Basically I adore him. I realised that when he disappeared. I would have been devastated if he had been lost. How fragile our happiness is!

Look how big I am now!

Look how big I am now!

What’s more we had some beautiful idyllic days of Indian summer sunshine. After the damp squib that was August it was most welcome and, nicely for the workers amongst us, it came over the last two weekends.

Take care dear peeps. Love, Zoe.

Life goes on.

Hello all. I haven’t been inspired to blog much lately, but feel like I should give you an update. Actually things are pretty good. The new kitten has changed the dynamic chez Zoe. Older cat is more affectionate as she now has competition. And the two of them give me hours of harmless fun…kitten has discovered a one-sided form of what used to be known at my primary school as British Bulldog. While older cat sits sedately (and disapprovingly, like a maiden aunt) on the terrace, kitten streaks up the full length of the garden, past her and into the house. This morning he actually leapt clean over her as she ate her food. If he tries to go past her at a normal pace, she invariably hisses, spits or otherwise tries to bully him.

On the whole they both seem to take the aggro pretty much in their stride. I have to do my bit by making sure I am always around when the two of them are together. And, for instance, shutting the kitten in the lounge at night so that older cat can sleep on my bed, come and go as she pleases, and otherwise continue to enjoy the privileges of seniority undisturbed. What I don’t want is for her to feel her quality of life has decreased as a result of kitten’s presence. In other words, I have to play diplomat and peacemaker.

Having two cats makes the house feel oddly more like a home. When it was just me and older cat, we were often like ships passing in the night. Two independent middle-aged ladies. Aargh what am I saying. Well, forty-six ain’t young, but middle-aged these days seems to be about sixty.

Anyway, I am happy with my little black and white boy.

Tomorrow evening I am going to Moscow State Circus with a friend who has free tickets. It is literally about a five-minute walk from my house, in Alexandra Park. It’s funny to think of all the Russian circus folk living in their caravans and tents a stone’s throw away.

Have made a couple of social arrangements for the bank holiday weekend. I know from experience that if I don’t bank holidays can be a difficult time.

Last weekend I was down at my Mum’s for the day, seeing my brother and nephew. That was pleasant and civilised enough. And amazingly I didn’t even find myself feeling uncomfortably envious of or inferior to my brother. On the contrary. For once I actually started to notice his flaws.

Been reading my son’s school report, which I finally received. Nothing too terrible on there. Behaviour still a challenge. Still ‘could do a lot better’ if he focused more and sought attention less. ‘An intelligent boy’. The P.E. teacher was probably the most glowing. He commented that J needs to be more sensitive to those who know their own weaknesses well enough. Hmm, I have told him that myself. He can be master of the cutting comment, though I would not say he is deliberately cruel, more thoughtless. He also said that J has a good understanding of strategy and tactics in games…absolutely right. The boy loves to win, he always has, and he uses his mind to figure out how to do it. Another teacher said he was lively and likeable, and another that he had made many friends both within and outside his year. All good news.

Am currently engaged in the Databases module of the European Computer Driving Licence. That and Spreadsheets are the most yawn-inducing of all the modules and I’ve got one after the other. But at least I’m doing it. Am also back at Work Directions, the government service to help disabled people get back into work. After my last meeting with an adviser I undertook to find five vacancies I liked the look of, and also to think of ten qualities I look for in a job. It did me good to see him, because he was quite impressed by my CV and gave me a more optimistic perspective on my work prospects than I have had of late.

And finally, I am making progress with my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) although sadly, the therapist, who I have only just learned to appreciate, is leaving in two weeks. I have asked to go to the top of the list for another therapist, so that I can keep up the momentum.

Have not seen much of the ex. I think we both need time. Let feelings cool off. I am discovering that the single life is nothing to fear and dread. This way I have more time and incentive to try new activities, which bring me into contact with new people, and also have time to build on the friendships I already have.

I hope I haven’t bored you all senseless. It’s my life! And it’s really not too bad. Lots of love…Zoe.