When faced with my demons I clothe them and feed them…

Posts tagged ‘middle age’

Life goes on.

Hello all. I haven’t been inspired to blog much lately, but feel like I should give you an update. Actually things are pretty good. The new kitten has changed the dynamic chez Zoe. Older cat is more affectionate as she now has competition. And the two of them give me hours of harmless fun…kitten has discovered a one-sided form of what used to be known at my primary school as British Bulldog. While older cat sits sedately (and disapprovingly, like a maiden aunt) on the terrace, kitten streaks up the full length of the garden, past her and into the house. This morning he actually leapt clean over her as she ate her food. If he tries to go past her at a normal pace, she invariably hisses, spits or otherwise tries to bully him.

On the whole they both seem to take the aggro pretty much in their stride. I have to do my bit by making sure I am always around when the two of them are together. And, for instance, shutting the kitten in the lounge at night so that older cat can sleep on my bed, come and go as she pleases, and otherwise continue to enjoy the privileges of seniority undisturbed. What I don’t want is for her to feel her quality of life has decreased as a result of kitten’s presence. In other words, I have to play diplomat and peacemaker.

Having two cats makes the house feel oddly more like a home. When it was just me and older cat, we were often like ships passing in the night. Two independent middle-aged ladies. Aargh what am I saying. Well, forty-six ain’t young, but middle-aged these days seems to be about sixty.

Anyway, I am happy with my little black and white boy.

Tomorrow evening I am going to Moscow State Circus with a friend who has free tickets. It is literally about a five-minute walk from my house, in Alexandra Park. It’s funny to think of all the Russian circus folk living in their caravans and tents a stone’s throw away.

Have made a couple of social arrangements for the bank holiday weekend. I know from experience that if I don’t bank holidays can be a difficult time.

Last weekend I was down at my Mum’s for the day, seeing my brother and nephew. That was pleasant and civilised enough. And amazingly I didn’t even find myself feeling uncomfortably envious of or inferior to my brother. On the contrary. For once I actually started to notice his flaws.

Been reading my son’s school report, which I finally received. Nothing too terrible on there. Behaviour still a challenge. Still ‘could do a lot better’ if he focused more and sought attention less. ‘An intelligent boy’. The P.E. teacher was probably the most glowing. He commented that J needs to be more sensitive to those who know their own weaknesses well enough. Hmm, I have told him that myself. He can be master of the cutting comment, though I would not say he is deliberately cruel, more thoughtless. He also said that J has a good understanding of strategy and tactics in games…absolutely right. The boy loves to win, he always has, and he uses his mind to figure out how to do it. Another teacher said he was lively and likeable, and another that he had made many friends both within and outside his year. All good news.

Am currently engaged in the Databases module of the European Computer Driving Licence. That and Spreadsheets are the most yawn-inducing of all the modules and I’ve got one after the other. But at least I’m doing it. Am also back at Work Directions, the government service to help disabled people get back into work. After my last meeting with an adviser I undertook to find five vacancies I liked the look of, and also to think of ten qualities I look for in a job. It did me good to see him, because he was quite impressed by my CV and gave me a more optimistic perspective on my work prospects than I have had of late.

And finally, I am making progress with my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) although sadly, the therapist, who I have only just learned to appreciate, is leaving in two weeks. I have asked to go to the top of the list for another therapist, so that I can keep up the momentum.

Have not seen much of the ex. I think we both need time. Let feelings cool off. I am discovering that the single life is nothing to fear and dread. This way I have more time and incentive to try new activities, which bring me into contact with new people, and also have time to build on the friendships I already have.

I hope I haven’t bored you all senseless. It’s my life! And it’s really not too bad. Lots of love…Zoe.

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